Impossibilities
by GrandEmpress13
Summary: When the impossible happens, how will affect Julia's relationship with William? Takes place in between 'The Green Muse' and 'Shades of Grey.'
1. Chapter 1

Impossibilities

**What if, against the odds, Julia fell pregnant after she and William continued without precautions in '**_**The Green Muse**_**'? Takes place in between the events of '_The Green Muse_' and '_Shades of Grey._' A little AU, but by the end, everything lines up with the end of '_Shades of Grey._' The time between the two episodes is two months so William and Julia's relationship is fleshed out a bit more.**

* * *

Julia had just finished writing up a report when William came into the morgue. He came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Julia looked up at William and smiled brightly.

"Hello Detective. What can I do for you?" William smiled softly and gently messaged her shoulder with his hand.

"Nothing Doctor; I just had a free moment and I thought I would come by to say 'hello.'"

"How very kind of you Detective," Julia said as she stood, file in hand and William leaned in for a quick peck. Julia returned the kiss before moving to file away the report. When she was finished, she then spun around and looked at William, letting her eyes drift up and down his body before resting on his lips. Julia realized she had the sudden urge to kiss him. Deciding to act on her urges, Julia strode over to the Detective and captured his lips with her own. William's hand was instantly on the back of her head, tangling in her hair. Julia gripped at his shoulders and their passion mounted. William's free hand moved to her hip and Julia could feel him squeezing roughly as he pulled her closer. They backed up until the Detective was basically sitting on Julia's desk. Julia snaked her fingers through William's hair, deepening the kiss. William groaned and moved his hand up the side of her body. This time it was Julia's turned to groan.

Suddenly the door to the morgue flew open as Constable Crabtree came rushing in. William and Julia jumped apart, both breathing heavily while attempting to look professional. Julia smoothed out her dress and William his suit. George, having realized what he had walked in on, began to blush as brightly as the couple in front of him.

"Sir! Doctor! I'm sorry for intruding!" George cried, waving his arms about and moving to face away from William and Julia.

"It's quite alright George. What can I do for you?"

"Sir, I've been informed that a body has been discovered in a forest outside of a small suburban area on the northeast edge of town. Both you and Doctor Ogden are needed." Murdoch nodded and picked up his hat which had fallen to the floor as Julia grabbed her medical bag. William and Julia fell in step with George and the trio headed out.

"Constable, I'm terribly sorry if we startled you." Julia apologized as the three of them climbed into the carriage.

"No need to apologized Doctor. I just need to learn to knock before entering a room when you and Detective Murdoch are concerned."

* * *

Later that day, Julia was about to cut into the body of the young woman on her table.

The girl had bright red hair, high cheekbones, and a mouse like nose. She looked to be about eighteen years old. Her throat had been slit and as Julia divested her of her clothing realized a long incision had been made down the length of the girl's body and an mid sized 'X' had been carved into the skin of her left breast, just above where the heart would be. The blood around the wound had crusted and was being to scab over. The body was limp when they found her, indicating rigor mortis had already taken place making placing time of death easier to pinpoint.

Julia made sure her hands were thoroughly clean before she took hold of the scalpel and began to cut into the young girl.

Ten minutes later, Julia was elbow deep in the young girl. She was making sure all organs were there when she felt a wave of nausea roll over her. Julia shook it off and kept working; the smell of a dead body had never bothered her before. However as the smell overwhelmed her, Julia knew she was going to be sick. She put the scalpel down before rushing to one of the sinks; Julia knew she would not make it to the morgue's small washroom.

Julia desperately clutched the sides of the sink as she was overcome with nausea and began to retch. Her body convulsed for several moments before the nausea pasted. Julia reached up and grasped the tap with shaky hands. She turned on the water and washed the vomit down the sink and rinsed the blood off her hands before she gently collapsed to the morgue floor. Julia reached behind her and grabbed the small washcloth, dabbing her mouth with it before letting her head fall back against the filing cabinet behind her. Julia let out a shaky sigh and closed her eyes.

The door swung open and Julia jumped at the sound of a voice.

"Julia? Are you here? Julia!" William cried as he came around the morgue and into Julia's view. "Julia are you alright? What's happened?!" He asked, coming to kneel in front of her. Julia waved her hand and shrugged.

"It's nothing William, I'm fine…"

"Julia, you're pale, you've collapsed on the floor and there's blood all over the sink. You're obviously not alright!" William was becoming distressed.

"William, I was just cutting into the victim when I had a moment of nausea. I just got sick in the sink. There's blood on the sink because I didn't have time to wash my hands off. Really William, I'm fine." William placed his hand on her hips and hoisted Julia up as he stood.

"Are you sure you don't need a Doctor?" William asked, searching her face with worried eyes. Julia dismissively waved him off.

"I'm fine William; it happens to the best of Doctors." She lied. Julia was positive she had never succumbed to nausea in all her years of being a Doctor and she knew very few Doctors who had. But it was just a passing moment and there was no need to worry her lover.

"If you'll excuse me, I would like to clean up." William nodded and Julia excused herself. She returned minutes later, and began to go back to work. William rose from the chair he was waiting in and came to stand in front of Julia on the other side of the table.

"What do you have for me Doctor?" Julia snuck her hand past the diaphragm and into the chest cavity, confirming her suspicions.

"When I examined this young girl, I found an 'X' cut into the skin on the left breast just above the heart. As I suspected, the girl's heart is missing." William brow furrowed.

"So you're saying this killer cuts into a person, takes the heart and leaves an 'X' to 'mark the spot'?" Julia nodded.

"It would seem so."

"Why would the killer do this?" William wondered. Julia shrugged slightly.

"Well, we won't know until the killer strikes again, but I would suggest it's part of his pattern."

"How do you mean?"

"If the killer does this again, we will know it is a part of his…signature. A calling card as it were."

"So the killer will know that we know he did it?"

"Yes; the killer is mostly likely proud of what he has done and does not want to be mistaken for any other murderer on the streets. By placing the 'X' on this girl's body, he stands apart."

"That's rather brilliant." William commented.

"I agree. Think of all the applications this could have solving murders! You could create a killer's profile without any evidence except based on how they murder their victim and what they leave as a calling card! You could possibly solve murders in half the time!" William smiled at Julia's excitement. "Of course, we won't know until the killer strikes again."

"If he does strike again." In a sudden burst, the morgue doors flung open and Constable Crabtree ran in.

"Detective!" He panted, slightly out of breath. "There's been another murder!" George paused and took a deep breath. "Also, the woman coming in to identify the body will be here in an hour and a half." William nodded and George headed to the hallway. William quickly came around the morgue table, placing his hands on Julia's shoulders.

"Are you positive you are alright? You still look very pale. Would you like me to get a Doctor to check you over?" He asked quietly. Julia shook her head quickly.

"No love, I'm fine. Really. Go and see the body. Bring it back here. I'll be done the post-mortem by then. Bring the women in and we'll see if we can put a name to this poor girl." William nodded again before leaning in and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. He grabbed his hat and followed George, who was waiting expectantly.

Julia went back to work, taking a deep breath and stretched a little as she felt her corset digging into her lower abdomen.

* * *

By the time William returned with the second body, Julia had finished with the first. Besides the 'X' and the body long slash, nothing was out of the ordinary. Julia had sewn the young girl up and made her look presentable for when the woman came to look at her later. She had just moved her into storage when Murdoch came into the morgue, two men carrying the second body trailing behind him.

"Please place the body on the table gentlemen." Julia requested kindly. The men nodded silently and carefully maneuvered the body onto the table.

"Thank you gentlemen; that will be all." The men nodded once more before departing silently.

"The woman will be here shortly to identify the first victim; I don't believe you'll have time to start the second post-mortem now." William mentioned as he came down the ramp. Julia sighed deeply and motioned for Murdoch to follow her. With his help, Julia exchanged the second body for the first. Once they had the girl's body in place and settle, both the Detective and Doctor moved to the upper level of the morgue.

"Would you like some tea while we wait?" Julia asked. William nodded and Julia disappeared into the morgue's mid-sized kitchen. She set kettle to boil and steadied herself against the counter. Julia refused to let William know that she had been sick once more since he left. Julia was being to suspect that she was coming down with something but as of yet couldn't pinpoint it. She had high hopes that perhaps with the help of her herbal tea and other remedies that she could nip this illness in the bud.

The tea had just finished and Julia was serving it to William when Higgins came in with very anxious looking petite woman. She looked to be in her mid-fifties and had bright red hair that matched the young girl's. It was tied into an intricate bun; several ginger curls that had escaped framed her worried face. Her gloved hands twiddled together fretfully as her eyes darted around the room frantically, before finally landing on the covered body in the other room. The woman's pale skin turned a shade whiter, her eyes widening with fear. Julia put her tea down and quickly glided down the short hallway. She came to stand in front of the older woman.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Julia Ogden. You are…?" The woman straightened herself, trying to compose herself.

"Ruth Gallagher." She answered hoarsely. Julia put a comforting hand on her shoulder and gently guided Ruth to the lower level of the morgue. Ruth froze at the sight of the covered body.

"It may not be her." Julia said softly. "It may not be your daughter." Ruth's face grew hard, her lips forming a thin line. She didn't say anything; she just squared her shoulder and took a deep breath before she walked up to the table.

"Just-just let me see her." Mrs. Gallagher whispered tightly. Julia nodded curtly and crossed over to the body. She slowly peeled back the sheet to reveal the young girl's face. Julia winced slightly when she heard Ruth gasped and let out a strangled cry.

"It's her." Ruth whispered.

"Are you sure?" Julia asked. Ruth nodded

"A mother always knows. It's my Emilie. My…my baby." She choked. Ruth reached forward and stroked her daughter's cheek with a shaking hand. She withdrew it and Julia pulled the cover back over Emilie's face. Julia put a comforting arm around Ruth.

"How…what happened to her?" Mrs. Gallagher asked, close to tears.

"Mrs. Gallagher, why don't I take you down to the station and we can discuss everything?" William spoke up suddenly. Julia squeezed the older woman's shoulder gently and Ruth nodded. William moved around the table and offered Ruth his elbow. She took it and the two made their way out of the morgue. Julia wheeled Emilie back into storage and cleaned up the tea cups.

When she was finished, Julia sat down at her desk and scrubbed a hand over her face.

'_God, I'm tired._' She thought. Lately she was tired all the time. '_Right then; time to figure out just what's wrong with me._' Julia began scribbling down all of the possible illnesses she could have contracted.

After a couple of minutes of crossing off illness after illness off her list, Julia was right back to where she started. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Julia moved to grab one of her medical books. She came back her desk and began flipping through the pages.

She stopped suddenly when she spotted a picture of fetal development. Julia froze and stared at the picture intently for a minute.

"That can't be it…" Julia muttered to herself. She ran over her symptoms in her head and slammed the book shut. Julia stood and marched over to her purse, pulling out a small leather bound notebook. She opened it and flipped to the last entry.

'_March 2__nd_.' It read. Julia checked to make sure that was the last entry.

"Impossible. I can't be…I can't get…I didn't even…" Julia stopped ranting and pacing. Her mind flashed back the night two months ago when she and William had experimented with Absinthe. They had both gotten terribly drunk. They'd ended up making love right there in the park in the middle of the night. Julia's mind race as she tried to think of the last time she'd had her cycle. It had been two months. Suddenly it all made sense; being tired all the time, the nausea, the tightness of her clothing, her sudden urges and changes in mood. Julia pinched the bridge of her nose in between her fingers and sat down.

"I'm pregnant." She sighed quietly. "I'm pregnant." She repeated, slightly louder. "With William's child."


	2. Chapter 2

Impossibilities

Chapter 2

* * *

Julia had finished her second post-mortem on the second woman. Her murder was the same as Emilie Gallagher; there was one long incision made up the length of the woman's body with an 'X' to mark where the killer had taken out the victim's heart.

Julia did up her report and headed over to the police station. She didn't really need to go over; William said he'd come back once he was finished interviewing Ruth Gallagher. Julia was going because she had to tell William about the baby. Ever since she had realized she was pregnant, Julia knew the William had to know. Julia has calculated that she was eight weeks pregnant, which was a miracle within itself; Isaac had told her she would never be able to have children; if she ever got pregnant, she would lose the baby before she knew she was actually carrying it. Because of this, Julia knew she had to tell William; just because she was eight weeks pregnant that alone was no guarantee she was going to be able to carry the baby to term.

But the closer Julia got to the station, the more she began to doubt herself.

'_What if William doesn't want children? He seems to be the kind of man who wants a family, but we never discussed the idea of having a one. Plus, he regrets the night we had together in the park. He doesn't say anything, but I know he feels guilty for having intercourse out of wedlock. Will he want a child conceived out of wedlock? What if when I tell him, and he doesn't want me anymore?_' Julia thought to herself. Then, as Julia came to stand outside the station, an even worse thought came to her.

'_What if I tell William and I lose the baby? I'd be forced to tell him everything; that I had an abortion years ago and that's why having children is now impossible. I would have to tell him that the child I've lost is the only one we could have had together. Would that cripple him? Would it ruin us?_' The Doctor sighed and decided she would decide whether or not to tell William when she saw him.

The police station was in a state of hustle and bustle; policemen were rushing about handing papers to one another, answering phones, making notes, escorting people in, out, and around the station. Julia maneuvered gracefully in between policemen, making her way to William's office. Julia was about to open the door but paused as she hear loud voices coming from the other side.

"I want this case solved yesterday, Murdoch!" Inspector Brackenreid shouted as he opened the Detective's office door. He came out so quickly that Julia didn't have time to move out of the way. She let out a startled gasp and the Inspector caught himself.

"Doctor!" He cried, grabbing Julia by the shoulders to keep her from falling. Julia in turn, clutched at the Inspector's upper arms to steady herself.

"Doctor Ogden, I am so sorry." Brackenreid apologized.

"It's quite alright Inspector." Julia insisted. "I really must be more careful. Is Detective Murdoch in?" The Inspector let Julia go and gestured towards the office.

"He's all yours." Brackenreid sighed before marching to his office. Julia knocked gently on the office door before peering in.

"William?" She called. William was working on something at the blackboard. He scribbled one more note on the board before turning to smile at Julia.

"Julia! Come in, come in!" He said, waving her in before going back to scribbling on the board. Julia looked at William for a moment and realized that she couldn't decide whether to William just by looking at him. Julia crossed the office floor and came to stand beside her lover.

"I've finished the second post-mortem." She said handing him the file.

"Did you find anything interesting?" He asked, putting the chalk down and briefly flipping through the file.

"No. Everything fits with the first murder; one long incision with an 'X' to mark the spot of a missing heart. Have you found anything of value?" William smiled brightly and put the file down on his desk. He flipped the chalkboard over, revealing several small diagrams.

"The second victim was named Clara Bates. At first I thought she had no relation to Emilie Gallagher. But then I traced her family back. It didn't take me long to discover that Emilie and Clara had the same father."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Emilie's father's real name is Carson Bates. He married a woman named Anna Linley. They had Clara and she was their only child. Several years ago, Ms. Linley died in a mental institution. He changed his name to Thomas Gallagher and married Ruth. Emilie was their only child."

"Why did he change his name?"

"I haven't figured that out yet." William admitted.

"And the third diagram?" Julia asked.

"The husband, Carson, or Thomas, whichever you prefer, cheated on Ruth and left her ten years ago. He has two more children with a woman named Nellie Parker. They have two girls; a ten year old named Alice and a one year old named Ellie."

"Do you think the father is killing his daughters?" William shook his head.

"The father died a two weeks ago of heart attack. The murders started a two days after he died." Julia hummed lightly and nodded.

"Could it be someone seeking revenge on the father? Ruth perhaps?"

"That is my working theory. But Ruth was away visiting family when her daughter was murdered and she has no motive, so for now I'm counting her out. I'm just about to go out with George; we think an Uncle may be involved." He paused for a moment. "Was there something you wanted to tell me?" He asked. Julia had the chance to tell William right now. But suddenly Julia was afraid to and decided wait until the case was over and they could properly talk about this. She simply shook her head.

"No, why do you ask?" William just shrugged.

"You seemed like you had something on your mind, that's all." Julia smiled sweetly.

"I'm fine William."

"And you've been well? You look less pale." Julia nodded.

"I am feeling better, thank you William." Julia looked past William and saw George waiting. "I think someone's waiting for you Detective." William turned and grabbed his coat.

"I will see you later Doctor." Julia gave him a little wave as he left.

"Julia, you coward." She muttered under her breath as she left.

* * *

Julia spent the day getting access to Anna Linley's post-mortem report. There was something about the woman's name that stuck with her. Julia was positive she had heard the name before.

"Thank you James." Julia thanked her long-time friend, James Harlow, who ran the institution Anna had lived at.

"For you Julia, anytime." Julia flipped to the back of the file but found no post-mortem.

"James, where is the post-mortem for Anna Linley?" James sat down at his desk and looked at Julia with a confused expression.

"What post-mortem?"

"Detective Murdoch told me that Anna Linley had died. I assumed there would be a post-mortem."

"Anna Linley isn't dead. She escaped from the institution several years ago. The hospital searched for her for years but couldn't find her. She was pronounced dead."

"What was she in here for?" Julia asked, flipping through the file.

"Anna had delusions that lead to violent behaviour." Julia felt her stomach drop. She suddenly remembered where she had heard the name Anna Linley. It was a newspaper headline she read years ago that warned about a woman who had escaped a mental institution. She was highly unstable and very dangerous.

"What kind of violent behaviour?" Julia asked slowly, walking towards the desk.

"Anna suffered from delusions that her husband was being unfaithful to her. She threatened to kill anyone that went near her during her spells. If it was a man that approached her, Anna would say that it was her husband and would threaten to slit their throat. It was even worse if a woman approached her. She would accuse them of being a…" James coughed uncomfortably. "She would, um…accuse them of being a…a whore. Anna would threaten to cut out their hearts because his love didn't belong to them; it belonged to her." Julia slammed the file back on James' desk.

"And you let her go?!" Julia cried.

"We didn't let her go, she escaped."

"But you didn't search hard enough for her! You gave up! I can't believe you would let this happen James!" James raised his hands in defence.

"I didn't work here; much less run the hospital when Anna escaped. It wasn't my call."

"Why didn't they keep looking?"

"The file says they searched for months but at some point they had to give up. Anna was making tremendous progress and hadn't been violent for months. When they heard there was no reported violent behaviour and her husband hadn't seen her, the hospital assumed she was fine or dead. The hospital pronounced her dead and that was the end of it."

"Fine?!" Julia asked, her voice rising.

"Why is this so important?" James questioned.

"Detective Murdoch is working on a case that involves the death of two of Carson Bates' children. Both were girls and both had their hearts cut out." James' eyes widened in shock.

"My God." He paused. "Well, on the bright side, he doesn't have any more children." Julia mind flashed back to her conversation with William.

'_He has two more children with a woman named Nellie Parker. They have two children; a ten year old named Alice and a one year old named Ellie._' Julia's eyes widened in fear.

"He does." She whispered hoarsely.

"What?"

"Carson Bates has two more children. Two girls, Alice and Ellie."

"We'll take my carriage to the station." James said without any hesitation. He grabbed his coat and led Julia out of the hospital.


	3. Chapter 3

Impossibilities

Chapter 3

* * *

Julia rushed quickly into the constabulary, James on her heels.

"Inspector Brackenreid! Detective Murdoch!" She called. Constable Higgins approached her with a confused look on his face.

"Doctor Ogden, what's the matter?"

"Constable, where are the Inspector and Detective?" Julia asked, slightly out of breath.

"The two of them took Crabtree and went to talk to a Doctor Harlow about Bates' first wife."

"But I'm Doctor Harlow." James exclaimed, pointing to himself.

"What are you doing here?" Higgins asked.

"Bates' first wife isn't dead! Doctor Ogden and I believe she's behind the murders!" Higgins sputtered about for a minute before dashing into the Detective's office.

"I have her address!" He announced before turning to another officer.

"Try to get a hold of the Detective Murdoch and the Inspector. If you can't, wait until they get back and tell them we've gone to this address. Tell them they're needed directly and to hurry!" The officer nodded and took down the note.

* * *

Downtown, Higgins stood at the front door of the acquired address. He knocked on the door several times, announcing who he was. He looked at Julia and Doctor Harlow. They nodded and stood back. Higgins grasped the handle, took half a step back and then lunged his whole body at the door. The wood snapped under his weight and splintered. Henry pushed the door open slowly and walked inside, Julia and James following behind him just as slowly.

The trio crept into the front hallway, trying not to make any noise in the eerily dead quiet house.

"I'm going to look in the parlour and living area." Higgins whispered. "Doctor Harlow, you look in the kitchen and Doctor Ogden," Higgins paused and looked her over. "You stay here. It's too dangerous for you." Julia's mouth dropped slightly and she glared at Henry.

"Constable! I am perfectly capable of looking around a house."

"I know you are Doc, but there's a mentally unstable, possible killer here, and Detective Murdoch would never let me hear the end of it if you got hurt." Julia opened her mouth to retort, but Henry paid no notice. Instead, the two men headed in their respective directions. Julia stood alone awkwardly for a moment before noticing the large staircase leading up stairs. Julia looked around for a moment and after making sure the men weren't around, snuck up the stairs.

The upper level of the house was long hallway with a series of doors. Julia reached the top of the stairs and froze. There, seeping out from under the door of the first door was a large dark puddle. Julia approached it cautiously and crouched before it. Her shaking fingers lightly touched the puddle and Julia knew before she raised her fingers to eyelevel that it was blood. Ogden stood and clutched the doorknob, turning it slowly and opening the door. The door creaked and Julia winced, freezing for a second. When no one came running, Julia stepped into the room. The sight before her caused Julia to freeze with fear.

On the floor in front of her, was the naked body of a young girl. Just like the other victims, there was a deep, serrated gash along the length of her body. She lay in a pool of her own blood; her blood crusted blonde hair framing an expression of pure fear etched across her face. Her eyes looked terrified and they shook Julia to her core. Julia walked up to the young girl, stepping over the pile of clothes that had been ripped from the girl's body. She looked gazed down at the girl, and noticed the jagged 'X' craved into the skin of her breast. Julia carefully touched the skin and gently moved it out if the way. Just as suspected, the heart was missing. Julia stood and found a blanket to cover the dead girl. She wiped her hands off and exited the room. Julia tiptoed down the hall as quietly as she could and stopped dead when she heard a muffled noise at the end of the hallway. Julia took the doorknob in her hand and opened the door.

Over on the other side of the room there sat two women on the bed. One woman, presumably Anna, sat furthest from Julia; she looked to be in her early fifties, had wild, long brown hair that was turning gray. She was incredibly skinny; to the point she almost looked malnourished. Her pale blue eyes looked madly in between Julia and the woman she was holding down. Her one hand covered the other woman's mouth to keep her from making any noise and the other hand tightly clutched a blood smeared blade.

The woman being held down, presumably Nellie looked to be in her late twenties. Her golden blonde hair was falling out of its bun, loose strands falling out as she struggled slightly against the older woman's restraint. Her blue eyes silently screamed at Julia for help. Julia's eyes were drawn down the woman naked body. She spotted the body length cut the older woman had created; it wasn't deep enough yet to cause any real damage, but it was deep enough to cause a lot of bloodshed.

"Anna," Julia said cautiously, her voice cracking slightly, "You don't have to hurt this woman. She's done nothing wrong." Anna shook her head violently.

"She stole my husband. She's a woman of the night! She's…she's a whore! Besides, it doesn't belong to her!"

"What doesn't belong to her?" Julia asked, taking a step forward. Anna pressed the blade into the woman's skin and she let out a strangled cry, tears streaming down her face. Julia raised her hands and took a step back. Anna stopped cutting and Nellie let out sigh of relief.

"His love!" Anna cried, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "He was my husband! MINE! His love belongs to me!" Angry tears came to her eyes. "It was mine. Mine…" She muttered and pushed the blade into Nellie.

"No!" Julia cried loudly, silently hoping her cry was loud enough to attract the attention of the men downstairs. Anna didn't listen and kept cutting.

"Anna, I understand how you feel; I can just imagine the anger I would feel if I came home after a very long time away and found that my husband had left me…"

"Exactly!" She exclaimed, stilling the blade and letting out a sigh of relief. "No one understands! I came back and found out he was with someone else! I came to set thing straight with Carson, but…"

"He had died." Julia finished, eyes quickly darting to the door, praying James and Higgins would hurry up.

"That's how I found out about this one! Her name was on the obituary!"

"So instead of taking your anger out on your husband, you took it out on his other families. You went to see Ruth, but her daughter was the only one home. You tricked her into the forest behind her home and killed her. Ruth returned home, but you already had moved on. To your daughter." Anna looked confused and cocked her head to the side.

"W-what?" She squeaked. Julia stepped forward.

"You moved unto you next victim Anna and it was your daughter. You found her and in your…current state you attacked her. You killed her Anna; you cut her up just like you cut up Emilie and now Alice." Nellie's eyes widened in fear and she shook her head. Julia nodded at her sadly and Nellie began to cry silently.

"Clara?" Anna whispered. The craze had left her eyes and for a moment Julia could see she was having a moment of clarity and understanding.

"Yes Anna; Clara."

"My baby…She kept telling me I was wrong…" Anna's brow furrowed as she trailed off. She blinked twice and shook her head. "No, she lied! She lied! His love didn't belong to her and it doesn't belong to this trollop either!" Anna dug the blade into Nellie's skin and dragged it up the length of her body. Nellie writhed in pain trying to escape.

"NO!" Julia screamed, moving across the bedroom. Anna's blade reached the top of Nellie's body and kept moving. Anna heaved the blade out and swept it across her neck, slicing through the carotid artery. Blood exploded from Nellie's neck and she flailed her arms about helplessly. Julia gasped and stepped back, the blood spray just hitting the bottom of her dress. Nellie's body arched against Anna grasp weakly before going completely still. Anna dropped Nellie's body and it bounced lightly on the bed before crashing to the floor. James and Higgins burst into the room at that moment.

"Good God…" James muttered, turning away. Anna moved to kneel over Nellie's dead body, prepared to cut her heart out. Higgins moved swiftly over to her and grabbed Anna's arms, locking them in handcuffs, pulling the bloody knife away from her and escorted her from the room. Julia stood frozen with shock, unaware of the world around her until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Julia, are you alright?" James asked gently. Julia blinked and turned to James.

"I couldn't stop her…" She whispered. James pulled her into a hug.

"There was nothing you could do." He reassured. Julia nodded and stepped back. Suddenly, a thought came to Julia.

"The baby…" She muttered, looking around the room.

"What are you talking about?" Julia walked out of the room and down the hall. She pushed open the last door and found an empty nursery. Julia marched over to the crib and found it vacant. She stood in the middle of the room and waited.

"Julia, what are you doing?" James asked, coming into the room. Julia raised a finger to her lips and paused, hearing a tiny whimper. Julia smiled softly and walked over to the closet. She opened the door and found a baby girl sitting on the closet floor. She had tiny blonde wisps of hair and wide blue eyes. She locked eyes with Julia and reached her chubby little arms up. Julia scooped the baby up and let the little girl rest her head on Julia's shoulder. The baby sighed contently and nuzzled her face against Julia's shoulder.

"This must be Ellie," James commented as Julia stepped out of the closet. "She's beautiful." Ellie whimpered, burying her face in the crook for Julia's neck and Julia smiled softly, rubbing a hand up and down the little girl's back.

"She is." She agreed. "But I hate to think of what may become of her."

"How do you mean?" Harlow asked. Julia found a midsized bag and began moving around the room, putting all of the baby's things in the bag.

"Well, her mother, father, and sister are all dead. I don't believe she has any other family. If she doesn't she will be put into the adoption system and who knows where she could end up." James nodded thoughtfully and helped Julia fill the bag, grabbing another one when the first one filled.

"This is true. But she could end up somewhere nice with good parents." Julia nodded and picked up the bag, but James took the bag from her and picked up the other one.

"I've got these." Julia thanked James and they left the room, skirting around the many police officers that had shown up. They made their way down the stairs to be greeted by Detective Murdoch and Inspector Brackenreid.

"Julia!" William cried, rushing over to her. "Are you alright?" He asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. Ellie let out a cry and gripped at Julia's dress. Julia bounced the baby and put hand on her small head, murmuring soft reassurances to the little girl.

"I'm perfectly fine William." Julia insisted. William looked around before he pulled Julia to the kitchen away from the rest of the policemen.

"Julia, you could have been killed!" William said, frustrated. Ellie began to cry louder and Julia sighed.

"William, please! You're scaring her!" Julia scolded in a hushed tone. It was William's turn to sigh as a Constable Crabtree entered the kitchen. He walked over to the Doctor and held out his hands.

"Doctor, would you like me to take the baby?" He asked, reaching for Ellie, who began to scream at the top of her lungs.

"No, it's quite alright Constable. I'll take her back with me." George relented and left the couple alone.

"We can talk later Detective." Julia dismissed, leaving the room.

"Yes we can." William muttered angrily after she had left.

* * *

It was after dinner and everyone was working late at the constabulary after such a long day. William was finishing the last of the paperwork when there was a soft knocking on his office door.

"Come in." He called. The door opened to reveal Julia.

"Julia!" He exclaimed, standing. "Where is the little one? She's been attached to you hip all day." Julia closed the door and sighed.

"I think she likes me just because I'm blonde and look like her mother to her. But, I finally managed to get her down. It turns out that she was comfortable with the Inspector and right now she's asleep on the Inspector's couch. He said he would watch her while we talked." Julia came to stand in front of Murdoch's desk and waited. William came around the desk and looked Julia directly in the eye.

"You could have died today. Anna was extremely unstable; there was no telling what she could have done…"

"And if I had gotten there sooner, I might have been able to save that poor baby's family!" Julia, defended, their conversation quickly escalating.

"There was nothing you could have done." William insisted.

"I could have tried!" Julia cried. William shot forward and grabbed Julia by the shoulders forcefully.

"I could have lost you!" He yelled. Julia was shocked; she had never seen William like this. There was such desperation and fear in his eyes. But hiding behind both of those emotions was a sadness Julia had only seen once; the day of Liza's funeral. Julia suddenly realized how much he truly cared for her and as much as she needed to defend her position, Julia knew this was an argument she would have to drop. She freed her from his grasp and cupped William's face tenderly.

"Oh William…" She sighed, pulling him for a soft kiss. William moved his hands down to her waist, holding her gently. It was then that Julia decided William needed to know about their child.

"William, there is something I must tell you." She whispered, pulling back. Concern crossed William's face.

"What is it?"

"I…"

"Doctor!" The Inspector called, opening the door to William's office. "The little one's woken up and she won't stop her screeching! She seems to have taken a shine to you and I was wondering if you'd help an old mucker out?"

"Of course Inspector." Julia said, pulling out of her embrace with William. The Inspector smiled and left the office, Julia following him. But before she could leave, William grabbed her wrist.

"Julia, there was something you wanted to tell me?" He asked.

"It can wait." Julia reassured softly, releasing her wrist from his grasp and leaving the office to take care of the screaming child in Inspector Brackenreid's office.


	4. Chapter 4

Impossibilities

Chapter 4

* * *

It had been a week since Julia had tried to tell William she was pregnant. She had tried several more times over the past week but each time they were interrupted or Julia lost her nerve. Julia calculated she was nine weeks pregnant and knew she had to tell William before she became the subject of scandal.

Ellie, it turned out had a distance Aunt who lived in Buffalo. She was coming down to see the little girl but Julia and William had yet to know if she would take Ellie with her. Ellie had been living with Julia for the week and both Julia and the baby were growing very fond of each other. Ellie was a particular child; she was shy until you gained her trust, something that was not easily earned. As of yet, Ellie only trusted Inspector Brackenreid and his wife, Constable Crabtree, Constable Higgins on a good day, the Detective, and Julia. The baby girl refused to trust Julia's servants and as such slept in bed with Julia every night and bounced in between the Brackenreid's house, the Constabulary, and the morgue during the day. Today, Ellie was at the morgue with Julia. Mrs. Brackenreid had given Julia a small crib that she kept in the corner of her office, where the little girl sat, playing with her toys as Julia worked.

Julia was writing up a report when she heard Ellie let out a squeal and bang her hands against the crib. Julia turned around and looked at the little girl.

"Oh Ellie!" Julia cooed. Ellie had pulled herself up and was standing in the crib. Julia left her report on the desk and walked over to the little girl.

"Look at you standing!" This was the first time Julia had seen Ellie stand even if it was with the help of furniture. Sure, she crawled a mile a minute, but Ellie had never stood. But more importantly, Julia felt an overwhelming sense of love and pride, both of which she knew she had no reason to feel. Julia had no reason to feel pride; she hadn't raised this baby, she only looked after her for a week. The fact that Ellie was standing was by no way something Julia was responsible for. And love was something Julia knew she definitely should not be feeling. This baby girl's family would be coming to pick her up and Julia would be terribly upset when that happened if she continued to become attached to Ellie. But as Julia gazed down at the smiling baby, she couldn't help but feel her heart swell with love.

"Come here darling." Julia said softly, picking Ellie up. She hoisted the baby up in the air and brought her down, blowing raspberries against the baby's stomach. Ellie squealed put her tiny hand on Julia's face. Julia lowered Ellie and held her gently.

"I have something to give William and something to tell him as well. What do you say to going to Constabulary? I'm sure the Inspector would love to see you stand." Ellie gurgled in delight and Julia smiled.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'."

After dropping Ellie off with the Inspector, Julia walked over to William's office and opened the door, speaking as she entered.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Detective," She said hurriedly. "But I must see you immediately on an extremely urgent matter." William looked at her intently as she placed her bag on the table.

"Yes of course Doctor, what is it?"

"This." She sighed as she closed the distance between them and captured his lips with her own. Julia knew that it was her pregnancy hormones, but she didn't really care.

"I'm sorry William," She giggled, backing off slightly. "I promise to exercise-" Julia was cut off as William ducked in for a couple of quick kisses. Julia smiled softly and placed her hands on his chest.

"I do have another reason for this visit, a slightly more appropriate one."

"Well I should hope so Doctor. I would hate to think you came all the way here just to 'have your way with me.'" Julia's smile broadened.

"Your present." She said reaching into her bag.

"A present? That's not necessary."

"Oh William," She scolded lightly, pulling out the small wooden box. "Let me have my fun. I saw it and simply couldn't resist." She said, handing him the box. William looked at the box skeptically before looking at Julia and back to the box.

"Just open it." Julia insisted, smiling. William opened the box carefully and stared at its contents slightly dumbfound.

"A Culling's bullet extractor…"

"It's the latest model." William sputtered about for a moment before forming a full sentence.

"I-I don't know what to say…" He trailed off.

"Do you like it?" Julia inquired.

"Yes, yes of course."

"I just thought…what if you needed some evidence and I wasn't around?" She said, unable to keep the smile from her face. Everything was going according to Julia's plan. Buy the bullet extractor, give it to William, and tell him he could use it six months from now when she gave birth to their baby.

"Oh…" He sighed happily before cupping her face and pulling Julia in for a kiss. Julia let out a tiny giggle and kissed him back.

"Sir…" Higgins called, knocking and entering at the same time. William and Julia jumped apart and Higgins smiled. "Uh, terribly sorry Sir, Doctor…" He said looking away. "You're both needed." Higgins said quickly and left the room. Julia resisted the urge to roll her eyes and sigh.

'_Damn that man!_" She thought, '_I only needed a moment more! It's as if the Universe doesn't want me telling William!_'

* * *

Julia was hiding something; William was sure of it. She had been hiding something for the last week, although William wasn't sure if she was intentionally hiding it or if she was trying to tell him but always getting interrupted. A week ago, Julia tried to tell him something but was called away when Ellie needed her. William loved the little girl dearly, but he wished he could have more time alone with Julia.

After a very awkward carriage ride with Julia, the discovery of a young woman's body in a drainage ditch, and an inconclusive post-mortem from Julia, William found himself at the morgue with a Mrs. Bertha Dunn, about to see if the young girl on Julia's table was her daughter. Julia lifted the sheet and Mrs. Dunn looked as if she was about to cry.

"That's her," She paused and nodded, trying to collect herself. "That's my Lily." William shared a look with Julia as Mrs. Dunn took a shuddering breath and looked at her daughter's face. "You say w-when you found her, her clothes were gone?"

"That's correct." William supplied. Mrs. Dunn swallowed back her tears.

"What happened to her?" William looked at Julia and then back at Mrs. Dunn.

"We're trying to determine that." Mrs. Dunn looked down for a moment before looking at Julia and then back at the ground.

"N-no, I-I mean, w-was she…" Julia shook her head.

"No, Mrs. Dunn, she wasn't forced." Mrs. Dunn nodded tearfully as Julia pulled the sheet back over Lily's body.

"Let me take you back to the station; I'll make you a cup of tea and you can tell me all about Lily." Bertha nodded and William began to escort her out of the morgue. As the Detective left with Mrs. Dunn and they moved out of earshot, Julia looked down at Lily.

"Lily." Julia said sadly. "It's a lovely name."

* * *

After Julia had spent the better part of the morning trying to think of anything other than baby names and the fact Lily Dunn was only one week behind Julia in her pregnancy, Julia head over to the station to share her discoveries.

"It appears that Lily Dunn suffered a miscarriage. She had been approximately eight weeks pregnant." Inspector Brackenreid made a comment and the topic of conversation quickly moved from miscarriage to abortion, a subject Julia was in no mood to discuss. Nevertheless, it was Julia's job and so she stood there, adding helpful tidbits of information when she could as the Detective and Inspector bounced ideas back and forth. Inspector Brackenreid made one harsh last comment before leaving the office. Julia looked at William before motioning to the door.

"I'm going to take Ellie off the Constables' hands and bring her over to the Brackenreid's. I have some work I'd like to get done and she can be quite the distraction." William smiled in agreement.

"That she can." He paused and looked at the ground. "Julia, Ellie's relative will be here today around three thirty this afternoon." Julia stared at William for a moment and understood what he was really saying; _this is your last chance to spend time with Ellie_. Julia blinked and nodded quickly.

"Yes, yes of course. Thank you for letting me know Detective." She said quickly before rushing out of his office.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Julia was running tests on Countess Fausta's pills. William had come looking for results and in the end he ended up telling Julia that Lily Dunn's doctor had been none other than Isaac Tash. After William had left, it got Julia thinking.

'_I'm nine weeks pregnant; I really should see a doctor._' While Julia had a doctor that she saw regularly, she thought it best to see Isaac as he knew all of Julia's past.

Julia decided she would go and see Isaac after she was done her tests, ask his opinion, and then head to the Brackenreid's to pick up Ellie.

* * *

Julia walked into Isaac's office and sat in one of the waiting room chairs. There was only one other person in the room; a heavily pregnant woman who had a boy and a girl waiting with her. The girl looked to be six years old, while the little boy looked to be about two. But it was the mother that caught Julia's attention. She seemed to be younger than Julia, but she looked so tired and worn down that Julia honestly couldn't tell unless she got up close.

'_Is that really what will happen to me?_' She wondered. '_Will I grow to look that worn down?_' Julia, as a doctor knew that pregnancy could make a woman tired, but this woman looked like she hadn't slept in weeks.

'_Perhaps it is motherhood that truly wears you down. Am I really cut out to be a mother if that is true?_' Julia was jostled from her thoughts when she felt a heavy tugging on her skirt. She looked down to find the little boy sitting on her skirt. He looked up and smiled at Julia, waving at her. Julia waved back and put her purse to the side. She leaned down and lifted the little boy off of her skirt. The mother looked up at that moment.

"Bobby!" She called, heaving herself from the chair. "We do not sit on other ladies' skirts!" She scolded. For a pregnant woman, the woman moved surprisingly fast. She picked up her son and looked down at Julia.

"I am so terribly sorry! He hasn't really grasped that he can't just walk over and sit down wherever he pleases." Julia smiled and waved the woman off.

"It's perfectly fine. Your son is just adorable to pull it off." The woman blushed and thanked Julia. She was about to move back to her seat when the door opened and a young mother walked out of the office with her baby, followed by Isaac.

"Mrs. Wilton, I can see you now." Isaac's eyes widened in shock when he saw Julia. Mrs. Wilton took her two children into Isaac's office.

"I'll be right with you." He called to Mrs. Wilton as he closed the door behind him and turned to Julia. Julia stood and moved to Isaac, enveloping him in a hug.

"Julia! What a pleasant surprise! What are you doing here?" Julia stepped back slightly, feeling a tiny blush coming to her cheeks.

"I was wondering if you could give me a physical. I know I don't have an appointment, but…" Tash silenced her with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"For you Julia, anytime. Just let me finish with Mrs. Wilton." Julia nodded and Isaac smiled before disappearing back into his office.

Fifteen minutes later, Julia sat in Isaac's office and waited for him to recover from the news she had just told him.

"Are you positive?" He asked after a minute. Julia nodded.

"I'm very positive. I haven't had my cycle in almost three months, I've been tired beyond all belief, nauseous, and my mood swings from moment to moment." Tash nodded silently and Julia continued. "I know that my carrying this baby to nine weeks is a miracle within itself. I want this baby, Isaac. I've come to you because I want to know what I must do to carry this baby to term."

"Is the baby Detective Murdoch's?" Julia felt her mouth drop in response to Isaac's question. She shut it quickly and sat straighter in her seat.

"What would make you say that?" She asked. Isaac chuckled.

"You've been seeing the Detective for three months now and you wouldn't have sexual relations with just anyone." Julia shifted in her chair.

"Yes, well…could you please just get on with the physical? I have to pick someone up after this." Isaac nodded and led Julia into his examination room just off of his office.

When the examination was finished, Isaac and Julia made their way to the front door.

"So Isaac, what do you advise?" Julia asked.

"Julia, I'll be honest. You have one of the most fragile uteruses I've ever seen." Julia rolled her eyes but Tash continued. "I believe that you should be able to carry to term so long as you do not participate in any over strenuous activities." Julia nodded at his words and Isaac grabbed her arm.

"I mean it, Julia. Nothing strenuous at all. I would go as far as to say you shouldn't even ride your bike." Julia gasped lightly.

"Isaac, really!"

"I'm deadly serious Julia. Even the tiniest of tumbles could cause you to miscarry. You have to be very, very careful." Isaac held the doorknob but refused to open the door. "Promise me you'll be careful." He said seriously. Julia looked at Isaac and nodded.

"I promise." She answered, pausing for a moment. "If William comes back, please don't tell him I was here. He'll find out at some point, but don't tell him." Isaac nodded and opened the door. Julia stepped out and turned to Isaac as he stepped out as well. "And please Isaac, whatever you do, don't tell William about the baby. I haven't told him yet and it's something he needs to hear from me." Isaac nodded.

"Of course, Julia." They walked down the porch steps together and when they reached the bottom, Julia pulled Tash into a strong hug.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"You're welcome." He whispered back. "And congratulations." Julia smiled and back away. Isaac turned and headed back into his practice as Julia walked away.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Julia, William had just parked his bike on the other side of the street.

'_What is she doing at Doctor Tash's office?_' William wondered. Suddenly he remembered his previous conversation with Julia. He had told her Doctor Tash was perhaps a suspect in Ms. Dunn's murder.

'_Is she speaking with him about the case?_' William wracked his brain for another answer. There was always the possibility that Julia had simply gone to see him because they were close friends. But no matter how many times William tried to tell himself that was the answer, he knew it was not.

* * *

Julia went to the Brackenreid's to pick up Ellie after she went to see Isaac. Mrs. Brackenreid led Julia into the parlour where the boys were playing with toy soldiers and Ellie was standing with the help of the couch off to the side.

"She got herself standing all by herself." Margaret commented. Julia smiled.

"Hello darling." Ellie looked up and squealed happily, her blue eyes smiling. She slowly released one hand from the couch and reached for Julia.

"Mama!" She said happily. Julia was stunned silent at the little girl's words. It seemed Margaret was just as stunned too. Julia coughed uncomfortably and looked straight at Ellie, refusing to look Margaret in the eye.

"It's because I'm blonde. I think she associates that with her mother. I believe she thinks I'm her mother."

"Well, I guess that means you're doing something right." Margaret said positively. Julia nodded and crossed the room, picking up Ellie. Ellie sighed happily and snuggled closer to Julia's body, resting her head on Julia's shoulder. Julia looked down at the little girl and smiled softly running a hand up and down her small back. Julia thanked Margaret and left the Brackenreid home.

'_I guess I am doing something right._' She thought to herself on the way home.

* * *

After a rather frustrating conversation with Dr. Tash, William went back to the Constabulary. It was there that he was introduced to Ethel Abram, Ellie's distance relative.

"Where is the baby?" She demanded to know almost instantly. William led the woman out of his office.

"Ellie is with Doctor Julia Ogden. She has been taking care of Ellie for the past week. Constable Crabtree and I can take you to her now." Ethel huffed.

"That would be preferred, thank you. We have to leave for the train in half an hour."

"Are you not staying for the funerals?" William asked. Ethel snorted.

"No. I did not care for Nellie at all. I believe that she made horrible life choices, especially in that husband of hers. But her child needs to be taken care of. I'm here for the child and that is all."

"Ellie." William supplied. The woman stopped as they exited the Constabulary, confusion evident on her face.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Ellie; the baby's name is Ellie." William answered. Ethel looked at William and shrugged, rolling her eyes slightly.

When they reached the morgue, William and George led Ethel down the halls and came to a halt in front of the main door that led to Julia's office and the main morgue.

"I am just going make sure that Doctor Ogden is in. Please wait here with Constable Crabtree." Ethel nodded and Murdoch opened the door slightly, quietly slipping into the room. He walked down the long hall and stopped when he saw the sight before him.

Julia had picked up Ellie as she said she would and they sat together at Julia's desk. Ellie was sitting on Julia's lap and William could see she was holding her favourite toy, a small purple stuffed rabbit. William knew that Julia was writing something down, but from the angle at which he stood it looked as if she was reading a story to Ellie. Ellie squealed at something and Julia laughed, placing a kiss on the top of the baby's head. The sight of them together caused William to be struck by a series imaginings.

William could see Julia reading to their children in what he hoped would be the near future. He could imagine what Julia would be like when she was pregnant; she would have a glow about her and she would be an absolute vision. William would watch as his wife grew with each passing month. William would pamper to her every need and would talk to his unborn child every night before he went to sleep. He would stay by her side during labour no matter what the doctor said. When he held his child for the first time he would vow to protect that child for the rest of his life. He would stay up late when his child screamed into the wee hours of the morning. He would teach their child to walk and to talk. He would be there for them through everything; first nightmare, first cold, first day of school, everything.

William was disturbed from his imaginings when he heard Ellie whimper loudly. Julia stopped writing and looked down at the little girl.

"What's the matter sweetheart?" Julia asked softly. Ellie whimpered again and William decided it was time to make his presence known. He cleared his throat and Julia gasped, spinning in the chair, clutching Ellie close to her.

"Oh William! You startled me!" She said standing. Ellie looked at William and cried out quietly, burying her face into Julia's shoulder. Julia bounced Ellie twice and tried to coax her face out of her shoulder.

"Come now Ellie, you know William." She said softly. William walked over and stroked Ellie's hair. Ellie looked up at William with curious eyes. After a moment she smiled up at him and giggled. William smiled back and looked at Julia with serious eyes.

"Julia-" Before he could finish his sentence, Ethel burst in and rushed down the hallway with George following behind her, yelling at her to stop and he was yelling out apologizes to Murdoch. But Ethel didn't listen; she came up to Julia and snatched Ellie from her. Ellie began to scream and she tried reaching out for Julia and William. Ethel glared at Julia.

"Keeping a baby in a morgue! How dare you! This is what happens when women take powerful jobs; they forget how to take care of children! I certainly hope you don't have any children Doctor!" Julia gasped at the woman's comment but had no time to retort as Ethel huffed and turned around, marching away. Ellie kept screaming and crying, and finally managed to free one tiny hand and reached it over Ethel's shoulder.

"Mama! Mama! Maaaammaa!" Tears were streaming down the little girl's face and her cries became more desperate the further away Ethel walked. Julia's heart ached and she took half a step forward. She desperately wanted to reach for Ellie and even more than that, Julia wanted to chase after Ethel and snatch Ellie back from the woman, soothing the little girl's tears and never letting her go. But even though Julia desperately wanted to do that, she knew it was not her place and so she restrained herself.

"Julia?" William said quietly, jostling her back to the real world. Julia felt a wetness on her cheek and she raised her hand to swipe at the tear she hadn't realized she shed. Julia turned to William and swallowed the lump in her throat, smiling weakly at him.

"Yes, William?" She asked.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. Julia shook her head and tried to keep her face cheerful.

"That's quite alright." She said moving to sit down at her desk. She rummaged for a moment before handing William a file as he sat down next to her desk. "Ah, Lily Dunn's post-mortem results. She suffered from chronic parenchymal liver damage resulted in a deficiently in her blood's ability to coagulate." Julia tried to sound interested in what she was saying, but after Ellie's departure, Julia couldn't muster the interest.

"This explains why she bled to death but it doesn't address what caused the hemorrhage in the first place." William noted, flipping through the file.

"Uh, well it's very difficult to anything but speculate when liver abnormalities are involved." William flipped in between pages and looked up a Julia.

"There's no reference to the stomach contents, that's very unlike you." Julia looked at her desk for a second before looking at William.

"Well the discovery of her liver condition gave me my diagnoses. It wasn't necessary to look further."

"I see." William paused for a moment, as if he was uncertain about what he was about to say. "And just how long have you known of this 'parenchymal liver damage'?"

"What do you mean?" Julia asked, her smile faltering for a moment. William looked down and refused to look Julia in the eye.

"Did you determine it before or after your visit to Dr. Tash?" Julia smiled disappeared completely for a second and then returned as she gave a small laugh.

"William, were you following me?" She smiled, trying to keep the situation light.

"I went to his office to question him, my timing was importune." William answered, eyes looking around at anything but Julia. Julia considered this moment to be the one to tell William of her pregnancy. He already knew that she had seen Isaac; there was no point in not telling him.

"Well I don't believe my visit to Isaac should have any bearing on this case."

"I agree; it shouldn't. But if it was believed that you apprised him of your findings because you suspected that he had given her an abortion…" The conversation was heading to a place Julia didn't like.

"William, what are you insinuating?" Julia returned, trying to keep her tone even.

"…Could be perceived as dereliction of duty." Julia's mouth dropped the slightest bit and she found her anger growing.

'_The audacity! Does William not trust me to not go around sharing case information?_' Another thought came to Julia. '_Do I really want to have a child with a man who does not trust me?_' Julia looked down for a moment and moved a hand to briefly touch her stomach. She chose to keep her anger in check and looked at William dead on.

"Perceived by whom?" Try as she might, Julia could not keep a small amount of anger from seeping into her words. William did not break his gaze with her.

"Julia…I just don't want you taking any chances…"

'_Taking any chances?! Does William not know the woman he fell in love with?! I will not be told to what is too dangerous and what chances I will or will not take!_' But instead of yelling at William, Julia decided to hide her anger.

"Well, I appreciate your concern." She said, taking the file away and trying to keep her expression neutral. Julia picked up her pen and looked away from William; instead she looked to a book, flipping through pages. After a moment William understood her anger and stood silently, leaving the morgue. Julia looked up from her book and sighed. After a moment she stood and marched over to the storage cabinet, pulling out Lily Dunn's stomach.

'_I will prove William wrong._'

* * *

After a long and insightful talk with Countess Fausta, Julia had let her anger go. She realized that there was no proper reason for her to be angry at William; he was simply looking out for her. He said what he said because he loved her and he didn't want her to lose her job. Julia realized she should consider herself lucky; there were many men in many relationships that did not care for their wives like William cared for her. Julia decided to give William the new information she had acquired through Lily's stomach contents and so she went to his office and waited from him to return. Julia half sat on one of the tables in William's office and waited for him. When William arrived, Julia shot up.

"William…"

"Julia." He returned, slightly uncomfortable. It was obvious he remembered there earlier encounter and that he did not wish to anger her again.

"I have some additional information for you." Julia said. "Information that will support my initial findings as to the cause of Lily Dunn's death." Julia looked down at the file and then back up to William and when William said nothing, she continued. "Further investigation indicates that she consumed approximately one teaspoon of pennyroyal oil which has a component that has an extremely toxic effect on the liver. It's used in-"

"Insect repellant." William cut in.

"You already knew." Julia said, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

"Well, I didn't know until just now." Julia nodded slightly and handed William the file.

"Well, i-it's all in there, in the final report. I believe that's everything then." Julia made to leave but William stopped her.

"Ah, no; no it isn't."

"What do you mean?" Julia asked quietly, even though she already knew what William was going to say.

"There is one more matter to be resolved." He paused and the tension in the room grew to a tenfold. "Tell me that your visit to Doctor Tash had nothing to do with this case." Julia matched the intense gaze William was giving her. William was accusing her of something she did not do and the only way to get him to believe her was to tell him the truth. But William took her moment of silence as a sign of admission.

"Julia…" He whispered urgently.

"William, I'm pr-" Julia was interrupted by Constable Crabtree knocking on the door.

"Oh." George said looking down at his helmet. "I'm sorry, yet again." Julia sighed and looked at William. William looked away from her and over to George.

"That's alright George." Julia looked at George and then back at William.

"I was just leaving." She supplied and left the office.

"Sir, I thought I might pay Mrs. Dunn a visit myself; let her know how her daughter died." William blinked.

"Why yes of course; that's very kind of you George." George nodded silently and he left the office. After his conversation with Julia, there was something bugging William. He informed Brackenreid where he was going and then headed over to Doctor Tash's office.

* * *

When William Murdoch showed at Isaac Tash's clinic, Isaac was not pleased. Nevertheless, he let him in and after a couple of strained greetings, the Detective got straight to the point.

"I'm now exploring the possibility that somebody advised Ms. Dunn to ingest pennyroyal oil." Tash huffed slightly as he moved over to his desk.

"Your persistence boarders on persecution Detective." Murdoch balked slightly and smiled.

"I'm duty bound to explore the possibility; you understand." He said, forcing a small polite smile to his lips.

"Very well. No responsible physician would ever advise such a thing." William nodded, acknowledging the comment.

"But an abortionist might." Isaac looked at William for one long second before moving to his desk.

"We've been over this, Detective." He said, sitting down.

"New information has surfaced. A direct allegation that you, in fact are an abortionist." William's voice was stern, but Isaac didn't care. He was going to defend himself and keep Julia's secret all at the same time.

"A direct allegation from whom?" Isaac responded, trying not to roll his eyes. William looked down slightly.

"I cannot divulge…"

"Oh, of course not, no, how convenient." Tash retorted, feeling his patience already beginning to grow thin.

"Even if my source turns out to be less than reliable, I have another reason to suspect you." Tash could see the smirk beginning to form on William's face.

"And what would that be?" Tash asked, entwining his fingers together and resting his arms on the arms of his chair.

"Doctor Ogden's visit."

"What of it?" Isaac returned, trying to keep his expression neutral. He had made a promise to Julia and he intended to keep it, no matter what Detective Murdoch asked. Tash would rather Murdoch slander his name than break doctor-patient confidentiality or Julia's trust.

"I highly doubt that Doctor Ogden would leave an important post-mortem investigation without a very important reason." Murdoch remarked, a cockiness entering his tone.

'_Perhaps you don't know Julia as well as you thought. And it was a very important reason Murdoch. She came to speak to me about the health and wellbeing of _your_ child. But from your being here, I gather she hasn't told you yet, which leads me to believe you've upset her in some way or another._' Isaac didn't speak the words on his mind. Instead he stared at his entwined fingers.

"And what would that reason be?"

"Perhaps she feared you had been negligent in your treatment of Ms. Dunn or she suspected you had provided her with an abortion." The cockiness had left William's tone and the sternness had returned.

"Perhaps she simply came to visit a friend." Isaac countered, finally looking at Murdoch.

"And as a friend, gave you the opportunity to square your story with her post-mortem results. And if that is the case, Doctor Ogden is guiltily of a grave miscarriage of justice."

"Julia did no such thing!" Isaac threw back angrily, standing as he spoke and moved to his office window.

'_What does Julia see in this man? Did he go to her and properly ask her side of the story? Does he truly not trust her?_'

"Then why did she visit you?" William asked. Isaac said nothing; he had made her promise and there was nothing he could say without revealing everything to the Detective.

"There are laws Doctor Tash. And if Doctor Ogden broke one of them, she will have to pay. And if she broke one because of you, I will ensure that you pay as well." It was now angers turn to filled William's voice.

"I don't want her involved." Tash stated seriously.

"Then all you have to do is tell me whether or not you are an abortionist." When Isaac didn't answer, William grew angrier. "Answer me now or I will be forced to bring Julia before the courts where she will have no choice but to tell me the truth."

"You would do that to her?!" Isaac asked in disbelief.

"If that's what it takes." Murdoch snapped back. It was then that Isaac realized who William Murdoch was. He was a man of principal. He would follow his beliefs to the end of the Earth and back. From what Isaac had heard from Julia, William was truly a good man and he did love her. But to Isaac it seemed that William would always love the law more. Isaac returned to looking out the window. It was true he was an abortionist, but Julia's visit had nothing to do with the case. She was simply seeking his help as a friend. But Isaac knew that if he didn't answer Murdoch, the Detective would certainly take him to court and Julia would most certainly have the truth forced from her. Not only would she be forced to reveal that he was an abortionist, but she would have to reveal that she had freely procured an abortion for herself years ago. Dr. Tash had an idea of the charges they would be faced with and the time they would spend in prison. It took Isaac less than a second to decide he would rather face the time in prison alone if it meant keeping Julia safe. Isaac let out a defeated sigh.

"You are going to wish you had left this alone."

"I'll be the judge of that." William stated matter-of-factly. Tash moved back towards his desk and looked at the Detective with a determined gaze.

"If a woman comes to me needing or wanting an abortion, I do not turn her away. Whatever her reason; poverty, abuse, ignorance, illness; I ask no questions. I make sure the procedure is done safely, properly, with the least amount of trauma to the patient." Murdoch had his beliefs and so did Tash. This was his belief and he would defend it no matter what.

"You realize what you're doing by telling me this." William reassured, his tone softened from its earlier anger.

"I do." Isaac admitted. "And I may soon find myself dragged out of here in chains for all the world to see. But the truth is, if Lily Dunn had come to see me, she'd be alive today. I know it, you know it, and Julia knows it." Isaac moved to sit in his chair once again. "Now you have your truth. What happens next is entirely up to you."

* * *

Julia came back to the Constabulary half an hour after she had left, looking for William; she was telling him she was pregnant, interruptions be damned. When she couldn't find him, she peeked her head into Inspector Brackenreid's office.

"Inspector?" Thomas looked up at Julia.

"Doctor, come in." Julia stepped into his office and Brackenreid put down whatever he was reading. "Constable Crabtree told me what happened with Ms. Abram and Ellie. I'm very sorry. You loved that that little girl quite a bit." He said sincerely. Julia looked at the ground and she clasped her hands behind her back, swallowing her emotions. She nodded and looked up at the Inspector.

"Thank you. That means a lot." It was Brackenreid's turn to nod and Julia motioned to William's office.

"Do you know where Detective Murdoch is? I have something rather important to tell him."

"I can pass it on to him." Thomas offered. Julia smiled but shook her head.

"Thank you, but it's something quite personal that I need to tell him myself." The Inspector nodded.

"He's gone out for a spell, but when he gets back I can tell him to meet you at the morgue." Julia smiled sweetly.

"Thank you Inspector." Brackenreid nodded and Julia left the Constabulary.

When Julia returned to the morgue, she was left with the task she had been avoiding all day; packing up Ellie's toys. Ethel had left in such a rush that Julia had to package up all of the toys up and send them to Buffalo. Julia went and grabbed the box she had brought this afternoon. She walked over to her desk and picked up the tiny purple stuffed rabbit. Julia had discovered it abandoned in the hall when she had gone to talk with the Countess. Julia suspected that in her hurry, Ethel had jostled Ellie and she had dropped the bunny. Julia could just imagine little Ellie's anguished wails when she had lost the stuffed toy and it made Julia's heart ache. She had put the rabbit on her desk for safe keeping and even though Julia wanted to keep it, she knew Ellie needed it more than she did. Knowing that it would make Ellie happy, Julia put the rabbit in the box. She need proceeded to walk over to the crib and picked up all of the other toys. She set the box on the chair beside her desk and sat down at her desk. Julia pulled out her pen and began to write a letter to Ethel telling her these were all of Ellie's toy. Julia made sure to mention that the purple rabbit was her favourite. When her letter was finished, Julia put it in the box with the rest of the toys.

When she was finished, Julia picked the box up and brought it over to the cupboard, searching for tape to close the box. She found the tape and turned around, eyes scanning the morgue for any for forgotten toys. Her eyes landed on a small doll sitting on the lower level morgue floor near the table. Julia remembered when Ellie had a tantrum that morning and had thrown the doll. Because there was a set of stairs and Julia was afraid Ellie would hurt herself she wouldn't let Ellie retrieve the toy. Julia could recall soothing the screaming child but she couldn't recall collecting the toy and she had forgotten to pick it up when she ran the tests on Lily's stomach contents. Julia sighed and left the tape with the box, picked up her skirts and moved quickly to the stairs. Her paced didn't decrease as she placed her foot on the step. In that second Julia saw the '_Caution: wet floor_' sign propped up on the lower level. But it was too late. Her foot slipped out from under her, her other foot following along with it. Julia fell, her back connecting with the edge of the first stair. As she fell downwards her back smacked with the lip of the second stair and Julia let out a yelp of pain. Julia's body collapsed to the morgue floor and Julia let out a moan. Pain radiated from her back and it hurt to move. Julia shifted slightly and she was struck but a sudden bout of pain emanating from her lower abdomen. The pain took Julia's breath away and Isaac's words flashed through her mind.

'_Even the tiniest of tumbles could cause you to miscarry...'_ The pain continued and Julia shifted so she could reach under her skirts. She pulled her hand out and let out a sob at the sight; her hand had blood on it. It wasn't enough to soak her hand, but it was enough to worry Julia. She moved to pull herself up when she suddenly felt a rush of wetness accompanied by a large wave of pain. Julia let out a cry and dropped back to the ground. She knew that calling out for help was useless; everyone had gone home, that's why the floor had been washed, the work day was done. All Julia could do was wait for William and pray he got there in time.

Luckily, Julia only had to wait moments before she heard the morgue doors open.

"William? Is that you?" She called weakly before moaning as another wave of pain rolled past.

"Julia? Julia where are you?" William asked.

"I'm down here." Julia could hear William's footsteps and suddenly he came into view, coming down the steps to kneel in front of her.

"Julia! What happened?!" He asked urgently, cupping Julia's face. Julia felt a small rush of wetness and she winced, clutching at the lapels on William's jacket.

"I was finally going to tell you…" She moaned.

"Tell me what? What were you going to tell me?!" William pulled her close and ran a hand up her back.

"About the baby…I was going to tell you about the baby…" William froze.

"B-baby?" Julia nodded against his shoulder.

"I'm with child…your child…" She paused to take a shuddering breath. "But William, I fell…" Julia raised her bloodied hand. "And I think I'm miscarrying." William stared at her hand for only a moment before scooping her into his arms and carrying her up the steps, moving quickly to the door.

"Isaac…William, please take me to Isaac." William looked down at her with uncertain eyes.

"Julia…"

"William, please. I know you don't like him, but-" Julia paused, biting her lip and burying her face into William's shoulder. When the contraction past, Julia looked up at William. "But he is the only one who can help…please." She whimpered.

* * *

William didn't trust Isaac, but his child's life and possibly Julia's life were at stake. He hated seeing Julia in pain and as he watched her cringe as a contraction past, William doubled his pace, desperate not to lose both the love of his life and his child.


	5. Chapter 5

Impossibilities

Chapter 5

**Last Chapter!**

* * *

William sat in a chair at Julia's beside. Isaac's house doubled as his practice and his home. Luckily, he had a couple of guest rooms in which Julia could rest after the ordeal she had been through. Isaac had given Julia some morphine for the pain and something to help her sleep so at that very moment Julia slept peacefully. William held Julia's hand in his and stroked his thumb over her knuckles, brushing a stray curl out of her face. William sat there, unable to keep his thoughts from flashing back to the hours before.

_Julia sat on William's lap in the carriage as it made its way to Isaac's practice. At first, William had high hopes of being able to save their child but as William began to feel a dampness through Julia's many skirts, his heart dropped. _

"_Driver, faster please! It's an emergency!" There was a snap of the reins and the carriage moved faster. _

"_Julia, everything is going to be alright; I promise." He whispered against her temple. Julia simply moaned and gripped at William's shoulder in response._

_When they reached Tash's practice, William maneuvered Julia off his lap, jumped out of the carriage and offered her his arms. Julia reached out to him and William pulled her into his arms. Murdoch rushed down the path and up the porch steps. _

"_Julia, I'm going to have to set you down for a moment, alright?" Julia nodded and William carefully set Julia down in the wicker chair beside the door. William tried the doorknob but it was locked. Knowing Isaac had most likely closed for the day, William began to bang on the door. _

"_Doctor Tash! It's Detective Murdoch! Open up!" William shouted, his fist turning red from all the banging. After several moments William heard angry footsteps and the door flung open to reveal a very dishevelled and angry looking Isaac Tash._

"_Detective, if you have come arrest me, could I please request that you do it in the morning?" He asked, more than slightly agitated. _

"_It's Julia; I think she's miscarrying." William panted, slightly out of breath. Isaac's irritation disappeared almost instantly as concern took over._

"_Where is she?" He asked urgently. William moved over to the wicker chair with Tash right behind him. Julia looked up at Isaac with pained eyes and smiled weakly. _

"_Isaac…" She whispered hoarsely, reaching out to take his hand. "I fell…" She whimpered. Isaac squeezed her hand and turned to Murdoch._

"_Pick her up carefully and follow me." Tash instructed. William picked Julia and followed Isaac through his office an into his examination room._

"_Lay her on the table." William did what he was told and gently placed Julia down on the table. Isaac slipped a pillow under Julia's head and propped up the end of the wooden table so she was in more of a sitting position. He then set up the stirrups and brought over a blanket, splaying it over Julia's lower body. _

"_You may leave." Isaac said to William as he washed his hands in the water basin. _

"_No, I shall stay with her." William replied. Isaac dried his hands and turned to face William._

"_That was not a suggestion Detective." William stared at Tash intently for a moment before grabbing a chair and moving it beside the examination table. He sat down and took Julia's hand, squeezing it lightly._

"_I am staying by her side Doctor Tash. No matter what happens." William spoke, locking is gaze with Julia's as he did, lacing his fingers with hers. Julia gave him a weak, teary smile before she cringed and moaned in pain. Isaac sighed and moved to sit on the chair in between Julia's legs._

"_If you wish Detective. I warn you though; the sights you may see will not be pretty." William nodded in understanding and Isaac went to work, cutting through the fabric of Julia's undergarments. _

"_Oh dear…" Tash muttered, putting the small scissors down on a small metal tray and moved to grab a small basin, putting it beside the tray on the wooden side table by his stool. Tash made quick work of putting the cut up fabric in the basin. From William's spot beside Julia, he could see the clothing pieces being put in the basin and they horrified William; each one was almost completely soaked in blood and some had small clumps of bloody tissue. It caused William to turn away and focus on Julia instead. _

"_William, I'm so terribly sorry…" She said quietly, squeezing his hand, her face contorted in pain._

"_Doctor, isn't there some you can give her to ease her pain?" William asked. Tash nodded wordlessly from in between Julia's legs and stood, quickly cleaned his hands, and prepared a needle. He came over to Julia and took her arm, sliding the needle into the vein and injecting it. Julia sighed and William brushed a wayward curl from her face._

"_It will take effect in a few minutes." Isaac advised. _

_They stayed in the examination room for another hour while Isaac helped Julia through the worst of it; finally the bleeding died down and Tash had cleaned Julia up and put her in a white dressing gown before they moved her upstairs. _

_Once Julia was tucked in, Isaac pulled William aside._

"_Detective, I'm terribly sorry but Julia has lost the baby." William swallowed and blinked, refusing to shed tears in front of another man._

"_How…how far along was she?" He asked in a whisper._

"_She was approximately nine weeks pregnant." Tash stated. William nodded and looked over at the sleeping Julia._

"_Will she be alright?"_

"_Physically, yes. She will experience some discomfort in the next few days, maybe the next week. She will probably experience spotting as well. I will come and check on her in the morning to make sure she hasn't gotten an infection. But emotionally? I can't say. Julia is a strong woman, but this kind of loss can severely damage a person. You will need to be there for each other to get through this." Again William nodded silently and Doctor Tash left, leaving the couple alone._

_Once he was sure they were alone, William pulled up a chair next to the bed and took hold of Julia's hand. William placed a tender kiss on her knuckles and finally let his pent up tears fall freely._

William woke to the rustling of sheets. He gazed about with tired eyes and realized Julia had simply rolled over in her sleep. She was now lying on her side facing him and as William studied her, he moved his hand to her lower abdomen. He let his hand hover for fear that touching her would rouse Julia from her slumber.

'_Was it a boy?_' He thought. _'No,_' he decided after a moment of pondering, '_it was a girl._' A beautiful little girl who was just like her mother. She would have adorable golden auburn curls and sparkling blue eyes. She would be just as determined and feisty as Julia. But William would teach their daughter the importance of right and wrong. He would teach her of his religion, but it would be her choice to follow it. William would have had to fight off all the boys. He would have protected his little girl with all of his being.

'_But I couldn't._' He thought suddenly. '_I couldn't protect her._' William had to remember that what had happened was not his fault and it wasn't Julia's either. Things like this happened for no reason and no one was to blame.

As Julia lay sleeping, William silently prayed that their little girl would make it to Heaven. He wordlessly asked that Liza would watch after their little girl until he and Julia could join them. William was jostled from his prayers when the bed creaked and Julia shifted. Her breathing changed and William knew she was waking up. He took her hand and waited. Slowly, Julia's eyes fluttered opened. She looked over at their conjoined hands, face full of confusion. She twisted slightly and looked around the room, before rolling over to look at William. She used her free hand to rub the sleep out of her eyes and focused on William's face.

"William?" She whispered hoarsely. William squeezed her hand and smiled softly.

"I'm right here Julia."

"Where am I?" She asked, glancing around the room once more.

"We are at Doctor Tash's practice." Recognition flashed in Julia's eyes as her memories of the past couple of hours caught up with her. Her free hand flew to her abdomen and she looked at William with frightened eyes.

"The baby?" She asked, tears already coming to her eyes. William knew that if he spoke he would be crying as well and at the moment he needed to be the strong one. So instead of speaking, William simply closed his eyes and shook his head. Julia let out a sob and clutched his hand tightly.

"William, I am so sorry…if I had been more careful…" She cried. William couldn't stand it any longer; he stood from the chair and gently grasped Julia's waist and moved her over in the bed. Then he climbed on the bed with her and pulled her close to his chest. Julia clutched at him and continued to weep.

"It is not your fault." William assured, rubbing a hand up and down her back. "It's not your fault."

An hour later, William shifted slightly to look at his watch. He sighed and looked down at Julia who was looked as if she would fall back to sleep at any moment. William leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"I have to go to work now, but I'll be back soon. Doctor Tash will be in later to check up on you, alright?" He whispered. Julia nodded in understanding and William got off of the bed and left.

* * *

"Murdoch! Where the bloody hell is he? Has anyone seen Murdoch?!" William sighed deeply at the sound of the Inspector's voice. Hearing Brackenreid yelling first thing in the morning was never a good thing, especially if it was the first thing you heard as you entered the station. William yawned and headed to his office.

"I'm right here Sir." Murdoch answered as he hung his hat up in his office. Thomas came storming into his office looking very worked up.

"Murdoch," He said seriously. "I have something to tell you and you may want to sit down." William sat down, suddenly very concerned. Brackenreid took a deep breath before continuing.

"Doctor Ogden is missing." William sat there for a moment completely confused. Before he could say anything, the Inspector continued.

"She didn't show up for work this morning. One of the men working there said that she was working late last night and was the last one in the morgue. The door was unlocked and they found blood on the floor. We tried contacting her at home but her staff says they haven't seen her since yesterday." William sat quiet for a moment to be sure the Inspector was finished. The Inspector however, took his silence for shock.

"Don't worry Murdoch; we'll find her." Brackenreid assured putting a strong hand on William's shoulder. William stood and the Inspector removed his hand.

"Doctor Ogden is not missing." William stated. "She was working late last night and she fell. The floors had been clean and she slipped. I found her after you had sent me to the morgue. I brought her to a doctor. I must have forgotten to go back and lock the morgue." Brackenreid squinted at Murdoch with suspicious eyes.

"And the blood?" He asked. William swallowed.

"She…she hit her head. The doctor told me to inform you she won't be at work for a few days." Suspicion left Thomas' eyes and he gave a sigh of relief.

"So Doctor Ogden is alright?" William nodded and Brackenreid smiled before moving to the door.

"Men! Doctor Ogden is fine! Call off the search!" He yelled before chuckling. He was about to leave the office when Thomas noticed Murdoch solemn expression.

"Murdoch? You alright?"

"Of course Sir. Why do you ask?" Brackenreid shrugged.

"You look like someone just died." William's eyes darted to the floor and he refused to look up.

"Ah, yes well-"

"She'll be fine Murdoch. You said so yourself." The Inspector cut in. William nodded and Brackenreid left. William let out a sigh and moved to sit at his desk, desperately trying to focus on the work of the day instead of Julia and their dead child.

* * *

Julia was awoken later that morning to something pushing at her. She opened her eyes and found Isaac standing above her, gently shaking her.

"Isaac?" She asked groggily. Isaac smiled softly at her and moved to the end of the bed.

"Good morning. I will let you get back to sleep but I just wanted to check for any signs of infection first."

"Could it not wait?" Julia asked sitting up and propping her legs up for Isaac. Isaac shook his head and lifted the blanket.

"I have patients coming in soon. I could have done it while you were sleeping but I feared you would wake and you would attack me."

"Attack you?" Julia asked, lying back down. She stared at the ceiling in an attempt to distract her from what Isaac was doing.

"If I woke up with someone in between my legs I would most likely attack them." He joked. Julia hummed despondently before shooting straight up, gasping as Isaac's fingers probed at her.

"Is that painful?" He asked looking up at her. Julia clutched at her knees and let out a shuddering breath.

"Y-yes." She hissed as he continued. After a few more moments, the pain became intolerable and Julia let out a cry.

"Isaac stop!" Julia let out a sigh of relief as Isaac stopped, falling back against the pillows.

"Julia I need to finish my examination to make sure you don't have an infection."

"Fine." She huffed. Isaac went back to work and Julia grit her teeth together and fisted the blankets under her hands. Isaac probed for a couple of minutes before pulling his hands away. He walked over to the water basin on the nightstand and washed the blood off his hands. Julia lowered her legs and sighed.

"You look fine Julia. You are still bleeding quite a bit but that's usual. You will most likely bleed for the next couple of days-"

"I know." Julia replied harshly. "I am a doctor Isaac; I know what comes next. The blood, the cramping; I know all of it." Isaac sighed and walked over the bed, sitting on the edge.

"Julia-" He said softly, reaching for her. Julia flinched away from his touch and Tash frowned.

"Don't touch me!" She cried, scooting away from him.

"Julia, I know this is going to be a difficult time for you but-"

"How could you possibly know?!" Julia screamed, sitting up and glaring at him. "Isaac, have you ever lost your own child?" When Isaac didn't respond, Julia continued. "Have you ever felt the emptiness? No! You haven't! You are simply the doctor who pokes and prods at the women who have! You do your job, not even realizing that your touch reminds them…" Julia took a breath and wiped at the tears streaming down her face. "…it reminds them of everything they have lost." She finished in a whisper.

"Julia, I am truly sorry…" Isaac said gently. Julia wiped away the remaining tears and refused to look at Isaac.

"Get out." She whispered.

"Julia-"

"Get out!" She screamed, tears coming back at full force. Isaac stood slowly and left the room, leaving Julia alone. Julia stared at the door for a few moments after Isaac had left before sinking back into the bed and curling into a ball, letting her sobs overwhelm her. Julia wrapped her arms around her middle, desperately wishing her child was still lying in the safety of her womb.

* * *

**3 days later…**

Julia sat on a park bench waiting for William. She shifted slightly, wincing as a pain shot through her abdomen. She was still very tender from her miscarriage and even the smallest of movements could cause a jolt of pain. Julia's hands squeezed together from their place on her lap and she wished William would just arrive soon. She had seen him last when he had come to visit her at Isaac's. After he had left, Julia asked that Isaac take her home. Julia had refused to see William when he came to her home; Julia felt that she couldn't face him after what happen.

"Julia…" William's voice called to her as he approached the bench. Julia nodded and gave a small smile but refused to stand as she knew it would only cause her more pain.

"William, it was good of you to come." Julia said softly as William sat down.

"I am very happy that you called." Julia looked down as she rubbed her hands along her legs before bringing them to rest on her lap once more, listening as William spoke. "You should know that I've done nothing about charging Doctor Tash. It would involve investigating his clients…"

"And others?" She asked, looking up at him for the first time in three days.

"And others." He agreed, his voice slightly strained.

"About the past…that's why I wanted to speak with you."

"It's not necessary." He said, shaking his head slightly.

"Oh, but it is." Julia paused before continued. "But first, you should know; I didn't go to see Isaac because of the case and I certainly did not go to see him for...other reasons." Her hand moved to her abdomen. "I truly wanted that baby, William." William nodded slowly and Julia continued, looking down at her lap, suddenly finding it incredibly difficult to share her past; it was not something Julia was ashamed of, but she knew that once it was revealed, everything would change. "About the past…Isaac and I were not lovers in university, we were just good friends." She said looking down at her lap once more. Julia realized she needed to look William in the eye when she told him this. She pulled her gaze up to meet his. "But there was someone else. And like Lily Dunn, I found myself in an untenable situation. I had no desire to-to marry the man. I wanted to be a doctor William; it was everything to me, I fought so hard, for so long. Wanting a medical career was difficult enough, but with a child?"

"It was a choice of convenience then?" William said uncomfortably. Julia knew that he was in just as much pain as she was and this conversation was outside of his comfort zone, but to say what she did was 'convenient' hurt her a great deal.

"It was anything but convenient." She replied sadly, before putting on a brave face. "It was what I had to do. I went to Isaac and asked for his help." William took a deep intake of breath and looked away from her just as Julia knew he would. "He refused." Julia stated as William's curious glance searched her face. "He would absolutely not consider breaking the law, despite his personal convictions. I was desperate…so I went elsewhere." She spoke in a hushed tone. Overall, Julia was not ashamed of her past, but she was ashamed by the desperation that had made her end up where she had all those years ago. "The procedure was an unimaginable nightmare; I almost died. And I would have died if it wasn't for Isaac. He saved my life. And after that, I know that he-he hoped to never have to watch another woman go through what I did."

"He saved your life twice and for that I am more grateful to him than I can ever possibly say."

"But he's still a criminal to you, isn't he?" She said sadly. When William didn't respond, Julia shut her eyes briefly. "Of course he is." She stated, folding her hands on her lap and refusing to meet her lover's gaze.

"But this has nothing to do with you and I. We can put all of this behind us." William said quickly, clearly attempting to get rid of the tension and put things back the way they were before.

"But how do you purpose we do that?" Julia asked, her voice bittersweet. "Are you willing to forego your principals, your values, your faith?"

"I don't think that's necessary?" He stated, although it sounded more like a question.

"Don't you? I thought upholding the law was everything to you." Julia knew that tears were coming, but refused to shed them; now was not the time for tears.

"And that will never change."

"What does that mean? Now that you know the truth, that I freely procured an abortion, will you jail me for life? Should I hang?" Her voice was getting teary and she knew it; Julia knew she had to bring this conversation to a close.

"No of course not…" William said and Julia knew he was becoming distressed too.

"So then you'll make an exception for me?" She asked, looking at him.

"I'll do what I have to do." William stated after a moment and it was clear he had trouble saying the words aloud.

"But that's just it, William; I don't want to be an exception. I don't want your pity or your mercy." Julia returned sadly. They were both quiet for a moment before William suddenly spoke.

"Do you regret it?" He asked, his voice thick. Julia knew this was what William truly cared about and so she thought it over.

"When I think of our baby, I'm filled with a pain and sadness I have never felt before." William's face scrunched up in confusion as Julia knew it would. He was wondering just what their baby had to do with her abortion and Julia wanted to tell him, she really did. But Julia knew now was not the time to tell him that her abortion had left her sterile and that their lost child was the only they could have had together. "But no; I do not regret it." William's face was impassive, but Julia could see the disappointment dancing in his eyes.

"Now tell me nothing has changed between us." She demanded sadly. William looked away, clearly fighting his own approaching tears. He swallowed and looked sadly back at Julia.

"I-I can't promise you that." He replied quietly, his voice strained. Julia smiled sadly and looked down, grasping William's hand, even if it was just for a moment.

"I'm sorry William…"It was her turn to have a voice thick with emotion. "I truly am." She finished, relinquishing his hand and looking into his eyes once last time. Julia stood quickly before William could say anything more, ignoring the pain in her abdomen for once and focusing solely on the pain in her heart. Tears came to Julia's eyes as she walked further away and she raised a hand to her mouth to suppress the sob that was threatening to break out.

* * *

As William watched Julia walk away, he was unable to keep himself from thinking that in the end, despite his best efforts, he had lost both the woman he loved and his child.

* * *

**If anyone would like to see a happier ending, I may have one tucked up my sleeve! :)**


End file.
